The Burn Out

What would you trade for a life of adventure?

I sometimes think about what kind of money I’d make if I had the patience and drive to work full time in one career. How I could probably afford a car that didn’t break, or not panic every other month when my bank account dips just a bit too low for comfort. So many things would change, but not all of them would be for the better. I wouldn’t have time to travel like I do now, or the flexibility to take on interesting gigs like running motorcycle events or even diving into a time consuming hobby like sewing. 

The reality is that I would be burnt out and unfulfilled with nothing to show for it aside from numbers on a paper. That is, and will never be, enough for me. 

Instead I am a part time hairdresser, and a full time creative mess. I do something different every day of the week, and prefer it that way. 

I run full steam and headlong into weeks of nonstop moving, where weekends don’t exist, time is made up and the to-do list is never ending. Screeching to a halt, smoking and sideways, skirting burnout by the skin of my teeth to pack my shit and take off on some complicated logistic heavy adventure in the opposite direction. Yelping ‘ta da!’ into my helmet as I whip out of a gas station and onto the highway. For my next trick, I’ll be living the life everyone else claims they would if they just had the time. 

Yes, it’s fulfilling. Yes it hurts. Yes it’s worth it. 

From where I’m sitting here though, I feel like I’m just getting started. Research phase is winding down, I’m halfway through my bucket list and constantly tacking on items to the bottom. I’m headed for so much more, and willing to leap over anyone and everything in my way. Every time I do something that I didn’t think was possible for me, a thousand new ideas spin into existence inside my mind. Figure out off-road riding? Let’s do it cross country. Ride some taller bikes? Let’s rent them in Europe. Get an international solo trip out of the way? Literally nothing can stop me now. 

You’re not married? You don’t have kids? Why are those always the follow up questions when people hear about what I do. What if I was? Would you think I was running away from something if I continued to solo travel while being married or having kids? Would it be irresponsible of me? Would it have less meaning?

The sheer amount of times I have been asked those questions when someone meets me out in the wild, or hell even new clients in my chair at the salon, is bewildering to me. What is this fascination with women being in one- and only one- category? I have friends who are married and still ride solo. Who have kids and still ride on and off road. They are entitled to take up as much space in all the categories they choose.

And that goes for someone not-married and not-spawning. I can take up space in the salon world, the Moto community, in the ever changing hobby-land of quilting, sewing and clothing construction that consumes my extra minutes. I can run events, I can write articles, I can travel for work and for fun and for no reason at all. I’ve worked out all the how’s and why’s internally. It’s when someone on the outside looks in that I’m jolted back to reality and need to justify all of the above that I start to feel the pressure.

It’s usually in those moments where I feel the burnout creeping up behind me. Sudden need to weigh all things, to assign value, to make sure that the things I do are the ‘right things’. It takes some time to shake it off and remember..

Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Take the trip. Schedule things back to back. Say yes to everything at once. And don’t let what everyone else is doing change how you life your life.

How are you keeping the burnout at bay?